No Longer

Amazing Grace.

Lost… but not found.

That line stuck with me.

Feels different today.

Grandpa passed this weekend.

The last male role model in my life.
The last mentor.
A man.

And now I’m sitting here asking…

Where do I go from here?

Who do I look to?
What does seeking even look like now?

The message was about seeking and saving the lost.

I feel that.

Because I’ve been lost before.
Not completely… but enough to know the feeling.

And when you’re lost…

you know.

So now what?

Do I seek a higher power… or has it always been there waiting?
Do I share what I’ve learned… even when I’m still figuring it out?

And the harder question…

Does this mean forgiveness?

For the ones who lost their way around me.
The ones who hurt me.
The ones who didn’t show up.

That part doesn’t come easy.

We talk about grace like it’s simple.

It’s not.

Because we resist it.

We hold onto shame.
Fear.
Control.

Maybe we think we don’t deserve to be restored.

Or maybe… we don’t think they do.

But love isn’t transactional.

Grace isn’t transactional.

That hit.

The prodigal son… he knew he lost his way.

Squandered it. Drifted.

But he came back.

And he was still received.

No conditions.

No scoreboard.

Just… received.

I don’t know if I’m there yet.

But I feel something shifting.

Less noise.
More quiet.

And maybe that’s where it starts.

Not in answers…

but in the stillness.

Rejoice.
Repent.
Return.

No longer running.